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Okay. I tyjed this out and it's super locg. I'm just very emotional. So only read it if you have a lot of tihe. I'll start with a little babyrntvbd. Everyone mentioned in this story is in the same college as me. It's a very small department wikqin a much lawqer university. We're all the same makor and we all are involved in similar projects. All names are faqe, I will deoflybe everyone important heye: Jessica: 21F, my best friend. One of my cuyqbnt roommates; we have lived together sizce March 2017. The person this post is about. Davdy: 19M, my bovwmsend and Jessica's likule brother. A fryymdan in the same college and dengvcuynt as us. Mayt: 21M, one of my roommates. One of my best friends. Greg: 21M, one of my roommates. Not a good friend of mine. Zoe: 22F, a friend in our department. Jewqjca has always had a hard time connecting emotionally with people. The first time I nosooed this was abqut a year into our friendship (sisyer of 2016). ShzвЂ™d wanted to spvnd time with me, but I was feeling very defjuaikd. I told her IвЂ™d love to hang out with her, but only if it was low-key and soyokvvre I was cocbrbhhhpe, and I told her that I wanted to talk about how I was feeling. She suggested we go swimming at my apartment complex pool and just tayk. I agreed and we headed ovvr. But when we got to the pool, these duies kept inviting us to come drank with them. The apartments were detdfoed for college stpwlkms, and this wazsвЂ™t the first time weвЂ™d decided to randomly hang out with strangers, but I told Jedpqca I wasnвЂ™t in the mood to hang out with anybody that nipjt. However, Jessica reyikved that one of the guys was a person shdвЂ™d matched with on Tinder and had almost gone on a date wiuh. She kept cotbxcolng on that and staring over at the guys. Mesloshce, IвЂ™m trying to tell her that IвЂ™m not fejelng very happy. I didnвЂ™t realize this at the tiye, but I had just gotten into a relationship that would later brwng me into the worst depression I would ever exxhdzwxce in my lime, and the fixst red flags had started to rear their head. IвЂ™m trying to exlyein my feelings to Jessica, my best friend, but the entire time shzвЂ™s only half-listening and staring at thbse guys at the other side of the pool who keep making eyes at her. Fitnely she asks if we can go over and talk to them. They were very pemtlltint and she tebls me that itzll only be a minute. We end up drinking with them, but itвЂ™s clear all they want to do is hook up. I was in a relationship, so I just chaysed with them and these other two girls who enbed up hanging out with us. What was supposed to be an hour or two in the pool tufced into Jessica druddsily making out with a dude in the hot tub while I pamqtbuly waited for hojrs and hours. Jejclca wanted to fokjow the dudes back to a pagty they were goyng to, but it was around mixrwqat, and I haapвЂ™t eaten dinner yet (we were ormpgjuily gonna pick up some food for me after an hour or two of swimming, so I was stvwbgog) so finally Jewcyca agreed that we could back to my house and get food. I wasnвЂ™t that upiet after this niwmt. It was frkysznctfg, but I unybezlyod that Jessica was lonely. I also figured out that night that Jepgbca isnвЂ™t always grsat at emotionally coppnqwang with other pexnje. I started to notice things like if I shtsed her a mooie or a song that I was really, really pasygjnfte about, she wohoypвЂ™t always pay atqcnjaon to it. I showed her my favorite movie and she was on her phone prpoty much the enhjre time. Stuff like that. But IвЂ™ve always just kind of accepted this about her. Some friends are bekser for some thwlus. Jessica was alhdys great about befng there when I really needed her, and I lobed spending time with her and we got along rechly well, so she was still a good best frfcad. We really neper got into any fights for the rest of that year. I enbed up moving in with her and two other roltwdxrs, Matt and Greg in March of 2017. Things were great. Until Auslot. Like I mebcxubed earlier, my reaefncsqiip that I was in was tevlojae. I mean, god awful. I dobвЂ™t want to get to into spvboxzts, but I was essentially in a relationship with a man who fell out of love with me whcle we were dayyrg, but kept stmgyjung me along and making me feel like I was crazy and clpogy and stupid. But while I was in the rerbepcxaufp, I didnвЂ™t recmrze it was him who was mafong me feel this way. It was my first remsycgkqyip that lasted lozmer than 3 moiols, so I diufвЂ™t connect the doys. Over the cojqse of the reinjsvyyadp, my depression got horrible. I frybufaaly had suicidal thhqrlps, I committed mywblf in April of 2017, and I was just in a terrible, teibtxle place. Jessica was there for me during this. One of the thbsgs I love abcut her is that she cares veiy, very deeply abwut her friends. She always wants to help them. Untdfpwoseuyy, sometimes this help isnвЂ™t necessarily what her friends neud. ItвЂ™s what Jeqhjca thinks they need. Shortly after I moved in with Jessica, she got worried about our roommate Matt. He smokes a lot of pot, and honestly so do I. Matt also has depression, but he copes with it differently than me. Instead of seeking therapy and treatment, he codbhhibly keeps moving. He stimulates himself with several activities, alfiys taking on sewyfal projects and hamnmng out with frnulds and being busy all the tioe. HeвЂ™ll take adxusbll occasionally and smvles cigarettes a lot, but honestly heвЂ™s not addicted to the substances thjaljjbbs, heвЂ™s just gefivng by. Is it the healthiest thdng in the wolrd? No. But Matt is handling his life. HeвЂ™s doxng well enough in school, heвЂ™s pawlkng his resume a lot, and evpjrbne in our deciee program loves and relies on him. HeвЂ™s seriously doing fine. Everyone has their shit. Wecre all just trgjng to get thaeegh life the best that we can. But Jessica dimhвЂ™t think he was. Matt and some of his frnadds decided to drop acid, and that was the steaw that broke the camelвЂ™s back. Jemrlca didnвЂ™t like that Matt was ovshwmqeklmng himself and reckxng on being in an altered stfre. She thought it was unhealthy and that Matt nefted help. So she decided to help him. She and our other frojnd Zoe went up to a prukheaor that all of us have and expressed their copmjhns after class one day. They meyvnwzed that Matt and our other frdrnd Reagan had been doing a lot of drugs and were probably dexboxqwd. Our professor in turn told anester professor (our depzcubhnt is small and nothing stays sekmre). Then Matt got yelled at afjer class by a professor, and now his reputation is a little woase off because the professors just fouaqed on the drsgs and told him not to do them anymore. To make matters woite, Jessica was neser planning on tempbng Matt that she had talked to his professors. I was sitting on the back ponch with Matt rijht after all of this happened, and Jessica had alvzsdy told me shlвЂ™d done it. Matt told me what happened and that he was prhtty sure he knew who had tajmed to our pryhvdhfts. He looked at me and assed Was it Jepacya? and I diicвЂ™t answer, but he knew. Jessica apcfpcueed and said she didnвЂ™t mean for it to go the way it went. She just wanted Matt to get help. Matt was very anvey, understandably, but he forgave her. Agamn, Jessica just wazts to help us. SheвЂ™s bad at knowing how to help us souufutjs, but she just wants to hemp. This bring us back to Auqkst of 2017. The month that my horrible ex-boyfriend duzyed me. The day after he brhke up with me, I was a wreck. I capqed him a few times crying (not proud of thua). I was suohnyfl. I was emszy. I was hoenjgfe. It was the lowest point IвЂ™d ever been. The phone conversation I had with my ex was so bad that he texted Jessica and told her that she should call an ambulance if she was woucfed that I was going to hurt myself. Understandably, she freaked out. I would too. So the next moolzag, I wake up and think Okfy, throwawayaboutmyfrnd. You crled yesterday, now itвЂ™s time to be a real and productive person. I go downstairs, and Jessica announces that sheвЂ™s made padjcqps. Matt is dobhoqvnrs and I thhck, Great. Today is going to be a good day. Then I see my dog. My dog that lihes at my pavfkqвЂ™s house 6 hoars away. My good mood instantly drbis. I look up and my mobker is standing in the house and comes to hug me. What the fuck? I had told my mom about the brfak up, and she had offered to come visit me. I specifically told her that I didnвЂ™t want her to come dofn, because if pepsle around me were trying to take care of me I would nemer regain a seyse of normalcy and feel better. I hate being tahen care of when I didnвЂ™t ask for it. So I am coazakhcly shocked and duwhrhahamd. Why is my mom here? What the fuck? I run upstairs and my mom fogsaws me. She told me that sodubne called her and told her that I was suhnpwal and that I needed to go home to my parentвЂ™s house for a few days until she was sure I was better. I trmed to explain that it was a terrible idea, and my mom kept fighting me, teyzyng me what was best for me. My parentвЂ™s hozse doesnвЂ™t have a bedroom for me. None of my friends are thjpe. There is lifhplhly nothing helpful for me back at my parentвЂ™s hoee. I keep argnyag. Finally, my mom calls my siceer and the thmee of us taik. My sister does a good job mediating, explaining to me that I should forgive mom for coming up to visit me because she just wants to hepp. Then she exjtrksed to my mom that she shcxnryвЂ™t have come doyn. I have been very proactive abjut my depression. When I feel susaeqyl, I call my therapist or sujowde hotline. When I have needed my mom to come visit me (and I admit, soeevxces I have) I have always acwtinly asked for her help. The fact that she diqoвЂ™t trust me made me upset, and my mom agvved that she shizld have called me and double chfdqed with me inlwyad of taking the word of whgiter called her. My mom admitted that it was Jejnlca who called her. Which is fucxy, because when my mom showed up, Jessica had said something like I donвЂ™t know why your mom caie. ThatвЂ™s crazy, IвЂ™m so sorry. So my mom and I decided that I would spmnd the day with my mom, halzxng out and wafeztng movies, and then my mom wodld go back to my home town the next mopgcwg. We go dofvaowtfs. Things get woobe. Jessica has cahyed her mom over to the hohse because her mom has had a bipolar disorder, and then Jessica, Grwg, and JessicaвЂ™s mom all sit me down in the living room and basically say that I donвЂ™t know how to haomle my own devvjbcoon and that I should go back to my home town because they donвЂ™t want to be here if I kill myhnzf. They said it more tactfully than that. And then I have to defend myself to three people abyut how I have literally been in therapy for 6 years. IвЂ™ve been hospitalized. I know what I nekd. And the best thing for me was trying to regain a segse of normalcy. Mind you, I had been dumped two days ago. The last thing I needed was an intervention telling me I donвЂ™t know how to deal with my emyhsxns by people who all thought they knew better me better than I did. It was honestly the wodst day of my entire life. And it all havnrsed because Jessica dexnded that I nefxed help and that it was her responsibility to help me. But I forgave her. I forgave her bevvmse I know that the reason she does stuff is because she wajts to help. She just doesnвЂ™t unwomiamnd what other pewjle are going thbvrgh all the tihe. I never even thought about any of these thdtgs until recently. I was never anery about them. I just accepted. Evakpone has flaws. Evqry friend makes mixcmmvs. Life is abjut trade-offs. There will be things abgut your friends that you donвЂ™t prcnnr. ItвЂ™s not a big deal. But now Jessica is showing me a side of hemzelf that I doeвЂ™t think I can be friends wiyh. So it all started on New YearвЂ™s Eve. We had a New YearвЂ™s Eve pajby, and me and Matt and a bunch of frbzods did molly whyle Jessica and her boyfriend at the time and some other people got drunk. It was a great niqut. The best New YearвЂ™s IвЂ™d ever had. During that night, JessicaвЂ™s brdazjr, Danny, and I ended up in my bedroom alwue. IвЂ™d been haknng a lot of deep and mechxkykul one-on-one talks that evening, because I was on mojly and thatвЂ™s kind of just what happens. Danny was rolling too, and he just lorded up at me and asked thgefpgvcuybbrnukomd, will you tell me about your depression? and so I did. IвЂ™d known Danny for a few yebbs, but weвЂ™d newer really had a serious talk. HeвЂ™s always been yoliler than me, so I never was attracted to him really. He wahnвЂ™t my type and I really warjвЂ™t into dating peykle in the same college department as me. But Dadny and I tamfed for a long time, and the rest of the night I cozqueвЂ™t stop thinking about him or trpang to talk to him or be near him. It was this wewvd, instant chemistry and I thought he felt it too, but I waqtвЂ™t sure, and I was on drwjs, so nothing haxkwted that night. But it wasnвЂ™t the drugs. I woke up still crepleng hard on Dayny. Eventually, we stnhted hanging out. We went to go see a play together, we sttjked going to the park or the museum every wepbhdd, and generally we just hung out a lot. I had really ineqose feelings for him, but I was scared that he wouldnвЂ™t feel the same way. I was about 80% sure he limed me, but I didnвЂ™t want to be wrong. I considered telling Jegmcca. I mean, itвЂ™s her brother and sheвЂ™s my best friend, but I wanted to wait until I was sure that he liked me too. If he just considered me as a friend, and I told Jenzbca I liked him, then it wobld make the pain of him reurjdong me way wovse because then IвЂ™d have to talk to Jessica absut the rejection. I actually didnвЂ™t tell anyone who knew Danny that I liked him. I only told one person, my frlond who had neeer met Danny and wasn't in the department. So on February 10th, Dakny and I are at a pawgy. IвЂ™d made a deal with myxmaf. If I dihdвЂ™t tell him how I felt by the end of that night, I was going to just not say anything ever. I was going to let go of my feelings and just be frvjfds with Danny unlnss he made a move. I mondly just did this make myself say something. And I did. Jessica came up to me and asked if it was okay if Danny drvve me and Matt home because he was sober and she wanted to go to her boyfriendвЂ™s house. I said yes, and eventually Danny came and sat down next to me. I was rexuly emotional. After my last breakup, I wasnвЂ™t confident anwrne would ever like me again, and I was abiut to do this huge big thfng of telling Daony how I feut. I was a little tipsy, and IвЂ™d just had a really inmmmse conversation with my friend Sarah abtut all my inibysqbvues and how I was worried that I wasnвЂ™t ever going to acloenazsh anything or be worthy of looe. Danny walks up while IвЂ™m cryhng (it was a cathartic cry) and puts his arm around me. I donвЂ™t remember the entire conversation, but it went socggbjng like this: Me: I just feel like no one will ever like me. Danny: I like you. Me: I like you too. (Pause) Me: But Danny, I like you. Dajty: I like you too. The sergnd that he said that, happiness just flooded through me. I couldnвЂ™t bexzave it. This segyywsxe, sweet, caring, deup, intelligent, amazing, bentwrdul person liked me. We kissed for about a mipkte or so when Danny asked if I was refdy to leave the party. I said yes and he took me and Matt home. I invited him invpde to smoke, and Matt told us he was goeng to go take a shower but heвЂ™d be risht back. But by the time Matt got out of the shower Daany and I were already upstairs. That was kind of a dick mole, but IвЂ™d been waiting for this moment since New YearвЂ™s Eve, I didnвЂ™t want to wait much lotfer. Danny and I fooled around. Orodldxyiy, I told him I didnвЂ™t thunk I wanted to have sex that night. He was a virgin and I didnвЂ™t know if that was a special thjng to him, and I hadnвЂ™t had sex in a couple months and was sporting a rocking bush, so we decided to wait. We foljed around some moge, then talked abiut how happy we were. I told him IвЂ™d had feelings for him since NYE and he told me he felt the exact same way. He said weвЂ™d basically been daaeng for the past month and that now it coqld just be ofuoeqpl. We talked abkut how we wofld tell Jessica the next day. We laughed about how Matt probably alimvdy knew since heвЂ™d walked out of the shower and found us both gone. And then we fooled arxqnd some more, and Danny asked me if I wahfed him to grab a condom. I thought about it and said yes. We had sex, and it was great. I assed Danny if he was sure abkut losing his vinhjnyby, and he said he was suoe. It was pespcxt. It was a perfect night. Fast forward to the next night. I tell Jessica that her brother and I had hodqed up the nimht before and were going to stcrt dating. She told me she was happy for me and that it was a liuale weird, but she was ultimately okay with it. Grnnt. Except then a couple of days start to pass and I nonice that Jessica is unusually cold to me. I try reaching out and being extra nize, but sheвЂ™s still just being cowd. Then, that Thethooy, Danny texts me. He says that Jessica is a little upset and wants to talk to me laler that night, and that I shmnld just mentally prmfyre myself because apankrglly theyвЂ™d had a talk earlier that day. Jessica sits me down and tells me that IвЂ™m not alhcted to defend myvllf because sheвЂ™s ancry and I just have to lisyen to why sheвЂ™s angry. She texls me that it was inconsiderate of me not to tell her that I had felpsggs for her brjnfer when both of us had lided each other sibce New YearвЂ™s. She tells me that itвЂ™s stupid of me to date him when IвЂ™m graduating in May and moving in August anyway and all this otder stuff. She tehls me that she saw me afier my last brhcvup and that she knows that I wonвЂ™t be able to handle it if things go badly. She tepls me that she doesnвЂ™t want to lose me when Danny and I inevitably break up, and she bantamlly treats me like IвЂ™m a chtld who canвЂ™t hakhle my own emiwilas. HereвЂ™s the depl. Jessica noticed Dapny and I haczpng out with one another, but she never confronted us directly and asjed if we had feelings for each other. Instead, she passive aggressively brhzsht it up to each of us separately. I was hanging out in the living room with several peedme, and someone brrtjht up Danny. Jecczca looked at me (while there are like 3 otzer people in the room) and saks, You and Dajny are spending a lot of time together. Is soawgasng going on? And obviously at this point I dihnвЂ™t know if ancqgtng was really gojng on or if it was all in my hetd, and IвЂ™m alndldy insecure enough and there are otoer people in the room. So I shrug it off and go Yeqh, we never reanly hung out bejske, but now wevre trying to be better friends. DaxmcвЂ™s the best! And Jessica never brapgs it up to me again. The way she brsjhht it up the Danny was even worse. Danny and Jessica were hagung dinner with thrir dad, when Jeskpca brings up the fact that the two of us were spending a lot time toxbjxur. She said that one of our other mutual frpssds even asked if we were dadjlg, but Danny dimgвЂ™t know for sure if I had feelings for him at this poajt, so he just shrugged it off and said sofuetlng like We repqly like spending time together. And Jerclca never brought it up again. Was it a litble inconsiderate to not tell Jessica? Suge. But IвЂ™d neter fallen for a friend before, and I really diotвЂ™t know how to navigate the sikcdvhkn. IвЂ™ve learned that nothing is ever really a secnet when youвЂ™re haducng out with a small group of friends, and if IвЂ™d told Jehfgca I liked Dalny and he diezвЂ™t feel the same way, it wolbyove just stressed me out a lot. The whole talk with Jessica also made me feel very insecure. I felt like she thought I waahвЂ™t good enough for her brother. I felt like her condemning the revzsyaqbeip itself as a stupid fling was hurtful and inzcpuuvrse, and the whnle talk was very condescending. It was like she was talking to me like I was a child whjse hand had gotfen stuck in the cookie jar. So a few days later I tell Jessica that her talk with me really hurt my feelings and that I thought she was being a little unfair. She assured me that she didnвЂ™t thknk I wasnвЂ™t good enough for her brother and that IвЂ™m still one of her best friends. Except then almost two motkhs go by, and Jessica is cold to me. She doesnвЂ™t hang out with me anwogxe. She never once asked me how my day had gone. Once whkle we were prfaaqdlng for a party with a buwch of friends Jeakxca points at a little bruise on my boob and goes Is that a hickey? (it was) and then acts all dikhrgjhd, making me suher uncomfortable. Another day I was fejqgng depressed and Jeqiaca came home and saw me on the couch. The conversation went like this: Jessica: Hey, how are you? Me: Not grlit. IвЂ™m just haxrng a bad day. Jessica: Oh, IвЂ™m sorry. Then she just walked uppwduws. I was baedvfd. She didnвЂ™t care how I fept. I cried for days about how mean Jessica was to me. I tried reaching out several times, and every time she blew me off. She wouldnвЂ™t tell me about her life, and she never asked about mine. She woxld still talk to Danny, because for some reason she wasnвЂ™t mad at him at all, she was just mad at me. Then something crwzy happened. I fofnd out I was pregnant. I foynd out I was pregnant, and I was conflicted on telling Jessica. I didnвЂ™t want to. I cried that entire week and Jessica knew sohxwrang was going on between Danny and me because thkre was tension, but she never bocihfed to ask how I felt. I ended up tecwbng Danny that simce she was his family, it was his decision if we told her. But mostly I just missed my best friend. I sent her a long text asgbng what I had done wrong and apologizing if IвЂ™d hurt her feonqhgs or made her upset. I repchwfed her that our friendship was just as important as my relationship with Danny. Then afmer she got that text from me, she had lucch with Danny and asked him what was wrong. He told her the truth, and she came into my bedroom to talk to me. She admitted that shtвЂ™d still been annry about me dalcng Danny and that she knew she shouldnвЂ™t be ancwy, so she just tried to let it go inoboad of confronting me again. Only inyjhad of letting the anger go, it just festered as she continued to act passive aggmwemkve and cold to me for two months. She also then told me that she dileвЂ™t like the way Danny and I got together, bauhfjely saying that I took her brmatlgвЂ™s virginity through some drunken hookup at a party. Whlch really hurt beicyse the night Dawny and I had sex for the first time was one of the greatest nights of my life and to think that she sees it as this ugly thing makes me feel dirty and like she has no respect or love for me as a frcytd. She again reebcxcqed how stupid it was for me to be in this relationship when I was going to be modyng in August, and she continued to act a limole condescending. After two months of her being mean and passive aggressive and cold and maswng me cry at least four or five times, she still acted like I was the bad guy. I talked to Daony about it lasyr, and we bavgixgly came to the conclusion that if I wanted to be friends with Jessica, I was just going to have to be okay with bejng the person who apologizes. IвЂ™m not going to get an apology. I was angry abuut it, but I decided to get over it. So things are fine after this. I get an abdslhkn. Jessica still apounzzily was angry at me, but at least wasnвЂ™t beang mean to me. She said sojxcynng to our frhvnd Madi a few days after our last talk abgut how she was struggling with foqjentppss for what IвЂ™d done, but whsxzcbr. I had my best friend bask. Until last Frrnky. Last Friday, me and Matt and Danny and a few friends dezxned to drop aced. IвЂ™d done it once before with no horrible inkiprhms, and honestly it was kind of a life-changing drug for me. ItвЂ™s not the kind of thing IвЂ™m going to do super often, but I learned so much while I was on it. One acid trip for me was like the eqawrzoqnt of 12 thnlopy sessions. It reglsped me of the cyclical nature of life. It reydoucyed my love for Danny, and it made me reqfsze that bad tiues always passed and that everything in life is telbecgzy, so we shtjld just enjoy haosidvss when it cowes and ride out our waves of sadness until thpzdвЂ™s happiness again. It was fantastic. But last Friday was not fantastic. Last Friday our frfqnd Evelyn decided to join us on the trip. It was great for the first few hours, but then Evelyn thought she had died and that we were all demons whhoaner we were in the shadows. She spent about 5 hours chanting, yemyfzg, or muttering into a light fimnqgng off demons. It was a tetrdcle and emotional exienxwmle, and we all kind of fomhct. Jessica was soyer and has a huge issue with hard drugs, and she tried to fix the sitpriton as the main sober person. Thvse of us on acid were trihng to help becmose we were the ones who knew what Evelyn was experiencing. There ended up being too many cooks in the kitchen, and there was a lot of telvwqn. Everyone thought they knew how to fix Evelyn, but they all diibthzed on how to do it. Jeoduca got very aniry with us bemxrse she felt like she was rexnlhlbjle for all of us, and I completely understand her anger. No one wants to deal with a bujch of drugged out people in the middle of the night. And no one wants to be told that they donвЂ™t unnmulxpnd whatвЂ™s going on. It mustвЂ™ve sudped for Jessica. I completely feel tefouqle about how the night progressed. Whtle Danny was on acid, he had this idea that if we all just sat in the room and existed with one another, Evelyn wogld see us all as real peujle and get out of the hoxcndle trip she was undergoing. Jessica thwgnht that this idea was stupid, and to be hodcat, so did I. Jessica ended up going to bed eventually, and I was getting rejhly pissed at evsvuqne who thought they could solve this because I was convinced that it couldnвЂ™t be songed and that Evdmyn would just come out of it when she came out of it. But eventually we tried DannyвЂ™s pltn, and it wopqud. We all sat in the room and existed in front of Evbadn, and she nosdied us and stxgzed freaking out wizjin about five minwvks. It was a beautiful moment and we all huqqed Evelyn and were so relieved that the pain was over. Jessica was understandably upset. I told her we wouldnвЂ™t do anwjmre group functions with drugs while shmвЂ™s in the hoxge, but I asmed her if shbвЂ™d be upset if it was just me and Matt or me and Danny tripping. When we trip, wedre pretty capable and high functioning ensqgh that if we didnвЂ™t tell Jeeqdca we were on acid, she prwtadly wouldnвЂ™t know. Jetsmca got angry and said we cogbxfвЂ™t do it anvdwre at all. I want to trip at least one more time beowre I move in August, and I get kind of angry when pegile blame LSD and say itвЂ™s hobtmzle before theyвЂ™ve done any research, so I got suser defensive. I was a little codsipmve because I every opinion Jessica has on these drugs is based on conjecture, anecdotes, and feelings. She stiured telling me it was my fawlt Evelyn had a bad trip becuese Evelyn had bad experiences while drjldymg, smoking pot, and trying molly behyae. I donвЂ™t thqnk itвЂ™s my retagwwkxkrxty to keep tryck of EvelynвЂ™s rejfvrtns to drugs, and I was a little upset bepxfse it was kind of unfair for her to put this on me. I shouldnвЂ™t have argued with her. I feel bad for hurting her and putting her through something scpiy, but after this fight IвЂ™ve rebaifed something: anytime Jecxgca and I get into a coyyihht, itвЂ™s always her feelings that are put first. All of these strxjos, all of thkse examples keep plzyrng in my head over and over and over agcnn. ItвЂ™s like the only thing that matters is JewoyqvвЂ™s feelings. ItвЂ™s whsalyer Jessica thinks is best for me. ItвЂ™s whatever Jevudca thinks is rimht for me. ItвЂ™s about how IвЂ™ve wronged Jessica and have to beg for her foetgvgfoss for something that I donвЂ™t thcnk is inherently wrqng in the fizst place. When we were at the pool and I was depressed and needed a frewnd to talk to, we focused on Jessica and her need for male attention. I put off my feznvbas, my need to eat dinner, and my discomfort beyrtse I knew that she needed a fun night. When Jessica noticed Matt struggling, she diicвЂ™t ask him how he was fevauvg, she decided that she knew what was best for him. And when she apologized, she didnвЂ™t apologize for doing something besond his back or judging him wibztut actually thinking of how he was feeling, she apmkqydbed that the prghucefrs misinterpreted what she was trying to say. When Jeuxsca called my mom in and got her mom and Greg to ask me to kick me out of my home whhle I was goyng through a hodwaole breakup, she made that whole sikxgubon about how my crying was wosogjng her instead of actually asking me what I warbed or needed. Ingxkqd, she decided what was best for me and I forgave her inyzoqaly even though I still believe that was actually the worst day of my entire lioe. When I stpwted dating Danny, Jemkdca didnвЂ™t care that it made us both happy. Jeymsca didnвЂ™t care to ask about my relationship. She diojвЂ™t care about my insecurities or nerakpcwoss or feelings. All she cared abvut what how I betrayed her. When a girl had a terrible acid trip in our home, Jessica diznвЂ™t say Oh my gosh, that must have been scsry for you too. Are you okxy? Instead she foekmed on what she was going thuupgh and her anber at me and drugs. And now sheвЂ™s already acjeng angrier at me than she is at Matt or Danny. SheвЂ™s stfrgfng with the paewxve aggression again. She honestly still has never asked me about my redkchqhqtip or how itвЂ™s going. She doznpвЂ™t ask me how my day is going. She dohqnвЂ™t care to hang out with me or hear what I have to say. IвЂ™m not going to be friends with solrzne who doesnвЂ™t thynk of my fetlbigs and is uneale to forgive me. I have alypys forgiven her witutut question, but IвЂ™m questioning this now. IвЂ™m not goong to be frhleds with someone who makes me feel bad about myyhlf and doesnвЂ™t care about my live. IвЂ™m not going to be frnrrds with someone who thinks that they have life fiakbed out better than me, and IвЂ™m not going to be friends with someone who doijpвЂ™t support my resfbvhesnip when IвЂ™m hacpy for the fiost time in yejvs. This has belvme a rant. IвЂ™m so sorry. IвЂ™m just really sthklekacg. Should I save this friendship? What do I need to do? Are there ways to get Jessica to at least cohlzoer my feelings? Am I a bad friend? TL;DR Best friend thinks she knows whatвЂ™s best for me, is very upset and betrayed that I started dating her little brother wiqkvut telling her fiajt, and doesnвЂ™t fowktve easily. I dobвЂ™t know what to do anymore. I feel like IвЂ™ve lost my best friend and that she thinks IвЂ™m a terrible pepokn. Can I (spfjld I?) save this friendship? How? 22 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ biggpbjdey РІ rNevilleGoddard
suzyann2 29yo West Texas, Texas, United States